24th July 2012

I was a cyclist.

I rode my bike, read cycling news and rode out with two cycling clubs.

Thought nothing of riding up to forty miles on a summer evening. Usually rode out to see the Tour of Britain, the Milk Race, pass through Derbyshire near to Stoke on Trent where I lived.

I always rode my bike with a fixed gear, 70" and 100" either side of the back wheel so that I could change them round according to the terrain.

Some evenings I would ride down to the local track in Newcastle under Lyme, strip the bike of everything that added weight and time trial round the track.

At school I wasn't desperately interested in rugby, football or field events and when I mentioned cycling the PE Teacher told me that it wasn't a sport.

Now after Bradley Wiggins' success in the Tour de France I guess no-one is in doubt and at the 2012 Olympics our hopes are up for total world domination in Cycling, pity Sir Steve Redgrave wasn't a cyclist!

As well as field and track and pool (as in swimming pool not numbered balls on a green baize cloth) will add a few more I am sure.

So all well and good.

No Beckham but there will be Giggs and a GB Team in the running for a Gold in football is not beyond the bounds of possibility and we should cycle and row and sail and shoot our way to a few medals.

First there is the show, AKA the opening ceremony, whether it will be Danny Boyle in 28 Days mode or Slumdog Millionaire mode is not yet clear, then there is wall to wall television coverage of sports with extra close ups of beach volleyball? (I could possibly be persuaded by my PE Teacher that beach volley ball is many things but possibly not a sport as we might understand it) and then Boris and Dave competing for honours in the closing ceremony doubtless with Tony and Cherie looking for photo opportunities alongside.

Being a grumpy kind of chap, and as my PE teacher observe completely unsporting and with a poor attitude, despite sharing a name with the winner of the Boston Marathon, I shall spend most of the Olympics on a river bank in Scotland with no TV.

If fish come by, lured by my Black Spiders, Black Pennels, Soldier Palmers, Invictas or Kate McLarens, then that will be a bonus and if they don't I will still be having a great time.

I guess I will keep up with the news and from time to time the medal count, but most of the time I will be looking to see if Ed Milliband can win a Gold at Prime Minsters question time and force a vote of no confidence in the coalition austerity strategy which is failing all the 'little' folk who actually pay taxes.

That the other Ed will win a Silver for rebooting the economy and turning a sprint into recession into a marathon for recovery.

I will be hoping also to hear that Mr Osborne has retired and now has time to earn himself a nice Bronze tan whilst cruising the Med in his friends yacht.