A Liturgy for the last of the ladies

Janet Elizabeth Smith (née Dean) 

The Last of the Ladies

16th March 1948 – 21st December 2017

Wetheral Woodland Burial Ground

29th December 2017

The Gathering
We meet today with sadness for our loss and joy at the knowledge that Janet has been safely gathered into the loving arms of the eternal spirit where there is neither pain nor suffering nor tears.

The Reflection
In a moment of reflection and guided by the spirit let us offer our own reflections on the Janet we knew and loved.

A daughter, a sister, a lover, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a friend, we each share her loss, grateful that she passed surrounded by her loving family; that she was able to offer her farewells with grace and dignity, supported as she was by the caring staff of Hospice at Home.

A moment for you to share 

A personal Reflection

I met Janet in Salisbury in the Summer of 1967...

Music: I saw her standing there (The Beatles)

...within a week I had to travel to Germany for a summer job; I wanted to ask her to marry me but had the good sense to ask only that she would she meet me from the train when I returned.

She agreed and did meet me. 

We married in November 1968.

She blessed me with love and loyalty and four wonderful children in whom she invested all that was best about her.

Diagnosed with MS forty years ago she bore her pain and limitations and triumphed over them.

The Cancer was less easy and in the end undermined her strong will and forbearance, yet as so many people commented she looked so well because even as it ate away at her esh, her spirit endured and triumphed.

Forbidden from carrying Lilies on our wedding day she carries them now on her heavenly birthday and for her this poem:

Lilies, their waxy green 
Whiteness you chose to carry 
Those years ago, were refused you

But now, these years later 
The lilies remain fine and firm 
Their lustre captures the light

This Anniversary gift 
Continues to flourish and shine 
Even though your life
Is shortened now by illness

Each night we count the moments 
Before dawn to be sure
That you are granted another 
Day to offer your gracious farewell

To those you love and whose love is returned 
Lilies don’t last forever
Like the flowers of the field and humankind 
They flower, blossom and perish

But you will stay forever in my heart 
In the hearts of those who love you 
And rest in the bounteous gift of love

Music: Such a Woman (Neil Young)

The Commendation

Janet go on now on your journey from this life to whatever life awaits you, you return to the source of creation, sustained by the story of Jesus’ redemption and the nurturing of the spirit.

So we believe that you will today  find comfort and consolation in the heavenly Jerusalem where you will be welcomed home and  find peace.

The Committal

As a father is tender towards his children, so is the spirit of peace, who knows that we are like the grass  flourishing as the flowers of the  field, when the wind goes over it, it is gone and will be known no more.

We are entrusting Janet to the merciful keeping of the spirit of peace and we now commit her body to the to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust in the hope that one day we will meet again merrily.

Moment of Silence & Personal Reflection 

Music: The Last of the Ladies (The Courteeners)

Canon Michael Manley will lead us in the Lord’s Prayer and offer a final Blessing

27th December 2017

Janet Elizabeth Smith

16^th March 1948 – 21^st December 2017

We have lived with MS for forty years.

Janet was diagnosed in 1978 before our youngest child, who is thirty seven this year, was born, we have addressed the limitations it imposes on both our lives, and we like to think, risen above them.

After my retirement to become a carer, we have travelled widely and there have been some memorable moments:

Back packing with a wheelchair across Spain and across to North Africa, faced with the steep flight of steps in Tangiers our request for assistance was met with the comment, Aah! You have this woman?

Having boarded the wrong train at Malpensa, in Milan we were faced with the most amazing Ascensori, operated anonymously after requesting assistance in faltering Italian via an intercom on the wall.

The wheelchair and its inhabitant having to be carried bodily up the steps and into the Aeroplane, that happened twice, once in Schipool and once in Gibraltar.

So we have travelled by car, by bus, by train and by plane as well as foot.

But our the horizons closed in.

After surgery for breast cancer in 1998 the cancer we thought was in remission was diagnosed during a routine Mammogram about five years ago, surgery followed, this time not a ‘lumpectomy’ but a ‘Mastectomy’.

But new lesions appeared and following further examination confirmed as Cancerous.

You know really, when you are led from the hard back seating area away from the other patients sitting in the Atrium of the Hospital with a plaque proudly describing that it had been ‘opened in 2000 by the Right Honorable Tony Blair PM.

We were shown into a smaller room with more comfortable seating, with green the dominant colour and a large picture of a scenic lake on the wall.

Well it doesn’t take a genius to know that this is the ‘breaking bad news room’.

And it was.

Further examinations followed including MRI and Bone Scans, inevitable logistical problems, moving the patient from wheelchair to scanners were overcome by staff who were kind and caring and sensitive.

And after the test results were confirmed we were introduced to a new word.

Metastasis.

Strangely enough, a word that I had hardly heard and never used, suddenly appeared in novels, articles, commentaries and newspapers, referring to specialist and everyday matters, from bad news, to wars, to general dissatisfactions.

When we were advised as to the results of the various tests not only were shown into the breaking bad news room but the Consultant found it necessary to have a specialist nurse with him, presumably armed with tissues?

Whether they were for him or us was never clear.

One interesting outcome of this experience was the reaction from the Neurologist we saw who commented that the major issue was addressing the Cancer, not in his remit however.

The Radiologist meanwhile had noted the major issue was the uncertainties presented by the MS about which he knew very little.

Of course once you become drawn into this world it becomes clear that the Medical Profession lives in Silo’s and this makes medical intervention’s predictable depending on who is undertaking the examination:

The Surgeon’s hand reaches immediately for a scalpel.

The Radiologist’s hand reaches for the prescription called Radiotherapy.

The Physician’s had reaches for his prescription pad to prescribe drug therapy.

Each of these played a part.

The surgery was carried out with local anaesthetic but the biopsy revealed a further spread of the cancer and so it was proposed that further surgery under a general anaesthetic was required, a suggestion politely but firmly declined.

So we were referred to the Radiologist. This was definitely the worst of our experiences. The kindest thing to say was that the consultant had unfortunately missed, whether through holidays or illness,, the bedside manner module in his basic training.

We left that consultation clear in our minds that a second opinion was necessary.

Our referral was to the Northern Cancer Centre in Newcastle and the bedside manner of our consultant was impeccable and so it was agreed that further Radiotherapy might well,  ‘buy us some time’.

Over time further treatments were proposed to address the issues raised by the tumours in the spine but whether the complications from the MS or other factors were involved most of these treatments have had a fairly negative impact on the Janet’s well being.

The pain has broken through again and again and with the support of the Macmilllan Nurse and our GP, Morphine has been prescribed.

Morphine is often described as the ‘Gold Standard’ for the management of pain.

Timescales are difficult for the medical profession to comment upon. We have had both positive prognoses and pessimistic prognoses.

Our aim had been to celebrate our Golden Wedding in 2018.

It still is, but recently the body language of the medical teams, the Pharmacy at the surgery and other folk along the way who are supporting us, has changed suggesting that maybe, just possibly, we are being overly optimistic.

As indeed proved to be the case.

Our 49^th Anniversary was celebrated in a somewhat subdued manner with Janet surrounded by her family including grandchildren and she found the occasion tiring.

Within a few weeks it became necessary for support to be provided by Hospice at Home and as Janet slowly became bed fast the District Nurses introduced a syringe driver to ensure that the pain was controlled more efficiently.

Janet died on the 21^st of December 2017, she was 69 years of age.

R.I.P.